Daddy
I use to cry myself to sleep at night wondering why my biological father had no love for me. He never called or came to see about me. Now I see--what's meant to be, will be.
My mom was young when she had me. Her taste in men wasn't all that great, as you can see. She was looking for love in all the wrong places, and ended up with a guy with just another pretty face.
Although I have so much pain inside of me, I would love to talk to you daddy, so I can set my mind free. What did I do to deserve this pain? Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane. All I ever wanted was to be loved and to be called "daddy's little girl." Trying to fill that void inside of me caused me to run to the men in the streets. Now that I'm older I see--what's meant to be, will be.
Mom, no need to keep saying you're sorry; I accept your apology. I thank you for introducing me to the best dad a daughter could ever have: the one that loves me unconditionally, supplies all my needs, and never turns His back on me. That name would be:
God Almighty.
Copyright © 2005 by LaTonia C. Harrell
Reprinting, Reproduction or use of any kind is prohibited without the express written consent of LaTonia C. Harrell
God is working, and prayers are being answered.
On Saturday, April 21, 2007, I received a phone message from my fathers mother saying to call her it was very important. Right away I started thinking the worst. I shouldn't have but I did. So I said Lord give me strength for what I'm about to hear. Never thinking for one minute that when I called I would hear her say, baby hold on a second someone would like to talk to you. The person got on the phone and said hello, I said hello he said don't hang up let me say a few things to you. By then I knew the voice on the other end was my father. I said I want, go ahead. He said Tonia, I want you to know that I'm sorry and I repent to you for being absent in your life. It was nothing that you or your mother did it was all due to the selfishness and the things of the world I was into. He then said, I was in the dark baby my whole life was dark. I was into selling drugs, using drugs and all kinds of worldly things. He said I have dedicated my life to the Lord and I'm reading the word and I'm trying baby, I'm really trying. I ‘m tired of being in the dark and being away from all my kids and grandkids. He said I remember the last time we spoke you expressed to me many years ago on how you needed me and I wasn't there and you also asked how in the world could you have a child in the world that you have know love for. He said baby on this day I ask for your forgiveness and I have also repented to God. I said daddy, yes everyone I said daddy, and boy oh boy did it feel good to call the man that helped bring me into this world, Daddy. I said I knew in time that God loved me enough to bring closure to what ever caused me so much pain and daddy yes once again I love you and forgive you and if, I mean if this is the last time we ever speak It is well within my soul now. All I wanted to do was talk with you to get some understand on why you wasn't here for me. I also told him if he ever needed me he was welcomed to always call no matter the day or hour. I said I love you and stay encouraged. He said Tonia, my pastor told me that I would be having a long, long talk with you. He said he then started to question the pastor within his own mind because he had know way of getting in touch with me. He said who would have ever thought I would stop by my Mom house and there was a picture of you and my grandkids with your phone number waiting for me to call you. He said he will make sure to share this with the pastor and yes we sure did have a 2 hour plus talk. It was well over due:)I had to share this with you all because as you read the poem daddy you remember when I said I wish I could talk to him to set my mind free. Free is what I’am on this day and very thankful to God. God is something else. He for sure is a man of his word. Be blessed, never give up and stay encouraged.
-LaTonia